Hey Bestie,
The best answer to a nosy holiday comment about our plate or our medicine is a cheerful, boring non-answer, followed by a pivot. We call it The Bean Dip Pivot, and it comes straight from FAT BITCH: Killing the Willpower Myth.
We are eighteen days out from Thanksgiving. Somewhere, an aunt is already warming up her opening line.
"Are you still doing that shot thing?"
"Should you really be having seconds?"
"You look so different. What's your secret?"
Food-comment season is here, and this year we go in prepared.
WHAT IS THE BEAN DIP PIVOT?
When someone asks a question that makes our skin crawl or our eyes roll, we give a vague, noncommittal answer and then pivot to something boring. By the time they realize we did not answer, we are halfway across the room and they are left with a mouth full of beans. That is the whole move.
It works because nosy people are fishing for a reaction. Defending ourselves gives them one. Explaining our medical history gives them one. Going quiet and hurt gives them one. A cheerful, boring non-answer gives them nothing to grab.
LEVEL ONE: WHAT DO WE SAY THE FIRST TIME?
"Oh, I'm good. Hey, did you make this dip? I need the recipe."
LEVEL TWO: WHAT ABOUT THE REPEAT OFFENDERS?
Why Do You Ask? Say it calm, say it curious, then wait. Most people cannot explain why they asked, and the silence does the work.
LEVEL THREE: WHAT IF THE COMMENT CROSSES A LINE?
What An Odd Question. Smile. Walk to the kitchen. Nobody argues with a smile and a casserole dish.
Under all three sits one ruling: you do not owe anyone an explanation. Not about the plate, not about the medicine, not about the body. No one is entitled to our private medical information, period. If we are on a GLP-1, that is a decision between us and our provider, and it stays there. "Easy way out"? Please. There is nothing easy about decades of being blamed for biology.
The commentary does not only come from the aunts. Sometimes it comes from inside our own heads. Holiday plates are not report cards. We are not earning dessert. We are not paying off seconds at the gym on Monday. That is diet-culture math, and it is bullshit. We eat what we want, skip what we do not, and leave the table when we are done.
THE THREE-POINT HOLIDAY PLAN
One pivot line. Pick a go-to from the levels above and save it in a phone note.
One safe seat. Sit next to the person who leaves us feeling bigger. That is the Relationship Audit from the book in action. We can love people and still set the seating chart.
One joy. Something from the Joy List that makes the day ours. The good pie. A walk after dinner. The parade in pajamas.
Practice out loud once before the day. Say "Oh, I'm good, did you make this?" to the bathroom mirror. It feels silly for about four seconds, and then it feels like armor.
Bring a pivot line that worked to the forum at BitchesAndBesties.com. We are building a whole bank of them before Thanksgiving, and yours might save a bestie at her in-laws'.
If it feels right, maybe save one line in your phone this week, so it is ready when the aunt opens her mouth.
Find your besties at BitchesAndBesties.com.
Love,
Cat